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Why I Finally Decided to Delete My Tinder

todayJune 29, 2015 78

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Kalie Souknary
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delete Tender
Screenshot by Kalie Souknary

*KTSW consists of and respects varying opinions within its staff. Opinion articles do not reflect the opinion of KTSW as a whole.

If you’re not familiar with Tinder, let me just start off by saying that it is basically an app that shows you pictures of people, with a short bio about them. You have the option to swipe left or right; right being that you “like” them and left meaning that you do not “like” them. If you both swipe right, you’ll “match” and be able to message one another.

As I’m sure many of you have, I’ve had a lot of experiences with tinder. I dated a guy for one month and then I continued to use it after we broke up for its intended purpose. Tinder is a great app for hooking up, I will admit that. It’s like shopping for men or women without having to meet them first. If you don’t like them when you message each other, you don’t have to ever hear from them again thanks to the “unmatch” button.

Over the past few months, I’ve been using Tinder to look for casual dating and flings. The only problem with that is that guys aren’t always the kindest if you reject them. As a girl who has officially grown out of that phase of her life, I came to a realization: I don’t need nor want Tinder anymore.

I’ve met lots of nice guys who have asked me out for drinks and I’ve met some guys who turned out to just be friends in the end. Tinder is not the place to look for a relationship – not really even for casual dating, “running partners,” or “cuddle buddies.”

I realize the difference between the girls who use this app and the boys who use this app. Some boys get it as a joke. Some boys had their friends sign them up for it after a break-up. Some of them really are just looking for a hookup and are honest about that. Others just want the attention. Girls can be the same way. Some girls might look for a hookup and some might just want someone to cuddle with, but here is the honest truth about that: most boys never just want to cuddle.

In all my nine months of having this app, not once did I ever just “cuddle” with a guy I met on tinder. That was just a clever ruse to get me to let them into my bed so they can tempt me to have sex with them. The rules haven’t changed, girls. Guys will still say anything to get you into bed. That’s definitely something I grew tired of. When I finally grew out of that, none of the guys on Tinder felt adequate enough to even swipe right for.

Don’t get me wrong, I did a decent amount of just dating. The problem with that was that it proved something else to me: men are lazy. The first guy I let take me out for drinks was supposed to meet me at a bar at 10:30 p.m.. He didn’t show up until 11:44. Why I didn’t just get up and leave, I will never know. Another guy I talked to for a couple of weeks before finally going on a date with ended up not being my type as soon as he picked me up from my house. Every guy after that who was actually looking for casual dating never asked me on a real date. They would just say, “Well I’d love it if you came over and kept me company. We could order food and watch movies.” No, that’s not a date. And why were they always asking ME to come to THEM?

If I ever want a relationship with someone, I don’t want to go home and tell my dad, “Yeah we never really had a first date, we just hung out at his place a couple of times and it just grew from there.” What will he think about his princess being treated like day old bread? I want a guy who’s willing to say to me, “I’d like to take you out on a date soon” and proceed to take me on said date. Tinder doesn’t provide that sort of chance. Why? Because it’s convenient. If I say no to just “chillin’ at his place” a couple of times, he can just message the next pretty girl that he matches with and she may be up for it.

Tinder also messed with my self-esteem, paranoia, and especially my need for attention. I used to give out my number on Tinder like it was candy. If a guy stopped texting me, but was still active on tinder, that pissed me off. If I grew to like this guy, I would always go back to their profile and see when they were last active. If they were active but still hadn’t texted me back, that really messed with my mind. “Does he not like me?” “He’s talking to some slut.” “Maybe he didn’t get my message yet.” These were all feelings that I let myself experience by having tinder. They were not at all comfortable and I shouldn’t have been waiting around for a boy to text me back. It made me crave attention, which is what kept me on tinder. When I didn’t get it, I would just keep looking. It was a vicious cycle and I was tired of letting it get to me.

What finally drove me to my decision to delete the beloved Tinder was realizing that I really want to meet someone in real life. I want the thrill of seeing him for the first time, watching him walk over to me nervously wondering if my hair looks okay or if my breath smells good. I want to meet someone when I least expect it and maybe even while I’m doing something that I love. I don’t want to search anymore, I want to let it come to me and I believe that the only way that can happen is if I stop looking completely- including online. In the past few weeks I haven’t used Tinder for more than ten minutes at a time and I thought, “Well, now that I don’t feel so addicted, it’s a good time to do what I’ve been wanting to do for a while- delete Tinder.”

So here’s to all the memories, the friends, the users, the way-too-nice guys, the hookups, the (one) heartbreak, and most of all the lessons that I have gained from Tinder. I am officially closing out this phase of my life and although it may not seem like a big deal, it feels like a great step that I’m taking.

Again I’d like to say that I think Tinder is a great app for its intended purpose and I have met successful couples who met on Tinder. But it just didn’t work out that way for me and I felt as if I got all I could out of it.

 

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