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Stop Detaching Yourself

todayAugust 6, 2015 1

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Kalie Souknary
KTSW Web Content Contributor

Earth Day squirrel on tree
Photo by Dylan Lochridge-Fletcher

As many people have noticed about my posts, I come up with theories and conclusions on the way things are in the world by observing and experiencing. Well, lately I’ve been observing a lot about romantic relationships, friendships, and casual dating, which seems to be the thing to do these days. No one really ever wants to commit. If you aren’t clear about what you want right off the bat, you could end up getting hurt.

The cold hard truth is that monogamy is not natural, especially in our generation and not at our age. You could be dating someone who is talking to someone else. You could be committed to someone who is secretly cheating on you. You yourself can be monogamous, but you can’t expect that from someone else.

Has our generation lost our will to make ourselves vulnerable to others? If you look on social media outlets such as Twitter and Facebook, you’ll see comments and posts such as, “Painting my nails black like my soul, ” or, “Wow this breaks my heart. Jk I don’t have a heart.” We are constantly detaching ourselves from others because we are afraid of getting hurt in the long run.

Is the reason we date multiple people at once because we don’t want to be hurt if our number one option ends up not wanting us? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Our generation has steadily grown heartless and while this somewhat benefits us as individuals, it divides us as a whole. We think that this just affects our romantic relationships, but it also hurts our friendships and family relationships. We lose care for almost everything so that we don’t feel the pain of rejection for if in the long run, others hurt us. Have we thought about the consequences of becoming heartless?

  • Becoming heartless means that we don’t allow ourselves full happiness. 
    We allow ourselves to be so empty of feelings that when we feel happiness, we don’t allow ourselves to savor that feeling. We are basically telling ourselves, “Yes, this feeling is awesome, but it won’t last. They will hurt me. I have to stay on my guard.” By distancing yourself from others without having a reason, you don’t allow yourself to be truly happy. I’d even like to say that you’re only allowing yourself half the happiness you’re capable of feeling.
  • Distancing yourself ruins your relationship if you are actually monogamous with someone.
    If you’ve been hurt before because you poured yourself into a relationship only to be thrown away, I know how you feel and so does everyone else around you. But if you’ve gotten past it and are monogamous with someone who is also monogamous with you, the trust has to be there and that means you cannot distance yourself. If you have doubts about them and are constantly afraid of them hurting you, you risk ruining your own relationship. Some people cheat because they are afraid of being cheated on so they do it first so they can be the one to hurt, not to be the one hurting. And guess what- you just pushed away someone who was fully committed to you.
  • Becoming heartless can ruin any relationship, not just romantic ones.
    When you allow yourself to become heartless and less vulnerable, you may think this is only effecting your romantic life, but it’s also effecting your relationship with your family and friends. You really don’t think that the fact that you aren’t making an effort to hang out with them isn’t hurting them? I understand that a lot of people these days are flaky and make very little to no effort to hang out with their friends unless it’s convenient. But friendship is a two-way street just like any other relationship.So how can these problems be fixed? How do we allow ourselves to be on our guard but also allow ourselves to be vulnerable and truly experience what happiness is? Well, that’s the thing. You can’t expect anything from anyone. That’s been a rule since the beginning. You can only be the best you.
  • If you see someone hurting, subtweeting, or vaguely complaining about something on social media, text them.
    I’ve made it a point to text friends that seem to be sad on social media. Everyone needs someone to listen to. If your friend is sick, if they just broke up with someone and they’re extremely sad on social media, text them. Ask them what you can do for them. Asking for help isn’t as easy as it used to be, so be the one to offer it. What’s the worst that can happen? They say no? This is the only way to fix loose or broken relationships with the people in your life.
  • Make it clear what you want right off the bat.
    Whether you’re expecting monogamy or you want to make it clear you’re not ready to commit, let the person know. It’s not fair to keep someone guessing what you are. This way you know how vulnerable to make yourself to someone and you can decide how much you want to open up to them.
  • Stop worrying about getting hurt.
    If you’re always worried about getting hurt, you’re not letting yourself be happy. No matter what happens in life, you’re always going to be hurt by someone. Allow yourself to enjoy the moments with the people in your life. If it so happens that they hurt you, okay. You’ll experience pain and you’ll experience happiness. The only thing that makes happiness so great is the fact that you know what it’s like to be hurt. And to me, a few weeks of mourning is worth every second of happiness you experience.

Don’t allow yourself to be so heartless and so detached that you no longer feel anything. Our generation believes that making ourselves heartless will allow us to prevent being hurt, but what we’re really doing is not allowing ourselves to be happy and shielding ourselves from the world. Eventually I feel that being so detached will make us forget how to recognize what happiness feels like. We only have each other in this world and we’re supposed to enjoy the life we’re given with the people are brought into our lives. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to hurt, and allow yourself to be happy, even if just for a little bit. 

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