by Daniela Garcia
Blog Content Contributor
1. Make Yourself Noticed
You don’t have to wear a sign with flashing arrows, but if you’re interested in someone, let your presence be known positively. If your friends are acting silly, display an opposite appeal. If you feel your attire is a bit too grey or casual, spice up your wardrobe a little. You can also give subtle glances across the room if you’ve taken interest in someone say, at a coffeeshop. Sometimes we have no idea who is watching so it’s a pleasant surprise to notice someone who’s trying to stand out, even if it is passively.
2. Hold an Air of Mystery
We don’t have to know everything at the start. Less is more in this case. However, be careful not to obscure too much because this can be truly frustrating and can throw someone off if they find they’re just not getting any sense of who you are.
3. Make a Move
Sometimes people who take interest in others come off too strong. So be careful here. If you’re following the previous step, it’s very likely this step will come more simply. You can make a move by smiling, approaching her, asking to borrow a pen in one of your classes, or even asking her name. Complimenting something about her will be a good start but you don’t want to overwhelm her with telling her anything vulgar. There’s a certain tone you have to convey in order to keep her wanting to respond…which brings me to my next step.
4. Play it Cool
If you see a girl you think is attractive and or interesting, don’t ruin your chances by being that one guy she’s going to roll her eyes at. If at the gym, don’t walk with your chest out and most definitely don’t flex your muscles in that one cliche cartoonish way because it will not be taken seriously. For some this will work for physical appeal, but if you’re looking for a different connection than just the exterior, simply wearing a fitting shirt can convey the same thing as purposefully showing what you have to offer. If being funny is not your thing, you don’t have to try to make her and the entire room laugh. If you know the answer to a question, by all means answer it, but answer it with collected dignity. In other words, don’t throw yourself at her by trying so hard that she might pity you. It’s definitely a suggestion to try, but don’t try too hard because trying harder is a mutual thing once you know she has taken interest.
5. Let Your Guard Down
Remember what I said about holding an air of mystery? Well maybe she’s taken notice of you now and you’ve struck up a conversation with her. If you’re too mysterious, it’s going to throw her off and she will probably walk away. Just when you’ve hooked her attention, let her know a little bit about yourself as you go along. Also remember that relationships and falling in love can take time because this isn’t a poorly-scripted Hollywood film.
6. Keep Your Strength Up
Personally, I like to assert my own strength by being who I am. I would like my significant other to do the same. But sometimes one can feel fragile. This can be because of a lot of things going on in our lives but it’s honest to suggest we’ve all been there. Its good to show your potential love interest that you can be strong for them when they feel like they can’t be. This has nothing to do with the fact that she’s anatomically different, therefore “more emotionally prone” to fragility, but instead because girls are humans too. Conventionally, women are accepted as emotional and nurturing. Often we are judged for that so don’t ever make her feel like she is weak. She isn’t. She’s just human and maybe she’s not doing so well today to get out of bed. It’s not a girl thing, it’s a human trait to feel and sometimes we want to be okay with letting someone else be the strong one. When you need it, she’ll be there too.
7. Let Her Know You’ve Noticed Details/Observe/Remember
She always has earbuds in everywhere she goes. She always has her nose in a book. She bites her lip when she thinks deeply about something. She sighs a certain way. She doesn’t have a favorite color and instead it changes every week. Maybe her hair is never the same hair color every time you see her or she sits cross-legged in the passenger seat. She takes the crust off of her sandwiches or orders her coffee with soy milk. These are all details you’ve noticed but haven’t vocalized. And you don’t necessarily have to, but someday somehow you can let her know that you’ve noticed. So whenever she wants to sleep on your arm, you will already know it’s probably best if you pick up her hair over it because yes, it hurts our head when we try to roll over and we find ourselves trapped.
8. Impress Her
She’s political? Keep up to date with news on current politicians. She likes comedians? Amuse her with some dry humor. Make some smart jokes that aren’t racist or sexist or offensive. Here you can do well for yourself by pursuing better grades in school, a promotion at work, getting a new car, or simply being a good person. What defines a “good” person is solely up to you but being kind and aware of the world around you is for the most part a great thing that can get you places. This can also be a physical impression. Warning: throwing on a bit of cologne and wearing oversized beanies, having good hygiene and an awesome fashion sense will probably give her heart eyes.
9. Make Her Feel Like You’re Irreplaceable
None of that derogatory language that “let’s her know she’s nothing without you”. Instead, your mere personality will allow her to make a connection that she probably won’t have with anyone else. That is what makes you irreplaceable; the way you talk, and when you don’t, and when you know exactly what to say, or know that you don’t always have to. The laughs, the warmth or cool of your touch, the comforting embrace or welcoming smile are things that imprint themselves on your significant other’s mind.
10. Surprise her
Surprises can be amazing. If you’re first meeting her, you can spot her coffee or buy the book she was holding at the bookstore. Leaving your presence around when you are not is also a lovely surprise. You can do this in various ways such as leaving a note in her notebook, in her backpack or even leaving something nice for her that you know she will appreciate. Surprise dates are lovely. When she least expects it, tell her you’re going for a ride but don’t tell her where you’re going. Consider clothing options of course but stay true to your air of mystery. Take her out to that one coffeeshop out by the lake. Also, yes we like flowers, we like chocolate, and we like wine. However, we also like beer, we like pizza and we like comfy nights in. The latter can still be a surprise.
11. Let Her Show You Her World
So you’ve gotten her attention, you’ve made progress in conversation(s) and you’re getting to know each other. Even though a relationship takes two, what will make you stand out from the rest is the fact that she sees you don’t mind her world. Her likes, her dislikes, her comforts and discomforts, the subjects she’s passionate about and the ones she dreads touching. Some of it can be overwhelming, but take away those traits that aren’t all that great and you’re probably left with someone different, someone different that you wouldn’t feel the same way about. A person’s goods and a person’s bads are what makes them.
12. Make an Effort to Keep Your Promises
You might think she won’t remember or that she won’t notice and of course I can’t speak for all girls but personally, I do believe girls remember things, especially if they hurt them. We’ll remember your first words, the way you approached us and the way you first were and how maybe it’s not the same anymore. Don’t stop trying! Because maybe you have her attention now and you forgot that you promised you wouldn’t hurt her, that you wouldn’t forget her cat’s birthday, forget that she doesn’t like mayonnaise or her pet peeves. Understandably so, sometimes your promises don’t work out for logical reasons and it is okay. An understanding partner will forgive you but make sure you don’t step over the line and forget your anniversary, even if it seems like it’s no big deal. Even if she’s told you she doesn’t really care, you should still show that you do because quite truthfully, it might be a test to see if you really do care.
13. Show her Off Subtly but Noticeably
Even if you want to keep your S.O. a secret because she’s that special, be careful not to make her feel like you’re hiding her out of embarrassment. When you’ve been on a couple of dates and had some heart-felt conversations, you can begin to introduce her to other important people in your life. Not only this, but a small action such as holding her hand or kissing her cheek in public is a subtle yet sweet way to let her and the rest of the world know how awesome she is. I wouldn’t suggest to put her on the spot, however, because this can take away from making you her go-to comfort. You also don’t want to annoy the rest of your friends and family by always talking about her, as wonderful as she may be, because they are important too.
14. Take notes from her celebrity/fictional character crushes
So maybe she grew up reading of that devilishly handsome Edward Cullen (guilty) and she secretly wishes she had her own suave vampy S.O., or she’s totally digging the Ellar Coltrane’s simple character in Boyhood and swoons at any possible sighting of Ellar Coltrane himself (also guilty). What is it she liked from these characters, or from this popular figures? Is it really just Cillian Murphy’s (Batman Begins Scarecrow) cheekbones and baby blues, or his sassy wit and nonchalant humor? Takes notes, she’s bound to fall head over heels if you’re wickedly good at catching a falling apple at the salad bar, wink wink.
15. Display Your Intellectual Attractiveness
Maybe your S.O. is intellectually challenging, or maybe she doesn’t like to think too hard. Whatever type she is, you can still be appeal to her intellectual attraction by being intellectually attractive yourself. This can be as simple as knowing that Fall is also Autumn, how to change a tire, the numerical equivalent of pie, or if our current president is a republican or democrat. But even if we don’t know everything, it doesn’t mean we want to be told everything by you. This can be condescending. Play this card carefully, but by all means please do play this card.
16. Dance with her without Music
There’s a reason why Allie can’t get over Noah in the Notebook (spoiler: even if she forgets). The reason is that Noah is inevitably a hopeless romantic. He demonstrates this at one point by directing Allie to the middle of a lonely street and asks her to dance. He starts humming Billie Holiday’s “I’ll be Seeing You” and wins majority of the audience over. Swoon. Pull a Noah. Seriously. Just be sure to not get yourselves hurt in the process.
17. Watch the Stars and the Moon with Her
This can come unexpectedly when you’re out sitting by the river at night, or our on your balcony, even the hood of your car. Or you can walk to an open golf park in the middle of an autumn night where you’ll lay down beside each other and of course, where you’ll peacefully absorb the beauty of the night. You don’t even need your phone for this.
18. Kiss Her Forehead
This is a soft and sweet action that can resonate deeply. A simple peck as you place her tousled tendrils behind her ear qualifies as what could be your first amazing moment together.
19. Hold her Close
She could be sad, she could be angry or she could be completely fine. Maybe it’s you who needs the hug this time so just hold her close. You don’t even have to say anything. Just embrace.
20. Respect and Honor Her Even if You Don’t Always Agree
What she shares with you can be private and she might have selected you as a keeper of all her secrets. Honor her by keeping her secrets between the two of you. Intimate details are also best kept between each other. Additionally, even when you’re with her, let her know you respect her and she will never lose respect for you. Don’t base this off of the old saying that suggests women are meant to be reserved and kept hidden. but instead because we all deserve privacy. She’ll share with everyone what she desires and if she wants to wear something you don’t really agree with, respect her decision anyway. What matters at the end of the day is how she feels about you.
21. Show that You Can Love Deeply
In the process of getting her to fall in love with you, don’t forget to show that you want the exact same thing. You’ve made yourself noticed by glancing for a few seconds longer than someone should have at that moment. You were mysterious enough that she wanted to know more. You held on to her hand a second longer when you parted ways the first time you met to make your first move. You played it cool on your first date but you started letting your guard down. She came in and you held her up and vice versa. You remembered that she takes three creams and three sugars with a hint of half and half from the first time you spotted her at the coffee shop. You impressed her by dressing nicely and naming that one song no one could get the name of in trivia. You’ve shown your unique traits which are irreplaceable. You’ve surprised her by buying tickets to her see her favorite band and you started letting her show you her world. You’ve made an effort to keep your promises as you hope she’ll do the same. You’ve shown her and people around you that she matters and maybe you’ve even come up with your own Edwardesque line she’ll get flustered over. You’ve hinted your intellectual capability to attract her and danced without music. You watched the stars and the moon with her before kissing her forehead and holding her close. You’ve also shown you are capable of respecting her by honoring her life choices, even if you don’t always agree. But most importantly, you’ve shown to her that you can love and that you can love deeply. You’ve shown all of these things because you’ve fallen for her. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d fall for you too.