By Timia Cobb
Web Content Contributor
My body is my deal breaker. It attracts men who have weird chubby fetishes and is the reason I’m left on read by a guy who didn’t look closely enough at my profile picture. My body has always felt like that annoying friend that did more bad than good but I loved too much to let go.
I started to love my body in high school, but since I started college it seems like my curves and skin color has always been the topic of conversation especially when it comes to guys. College has made me realize that when it comes to dating the way you look might be more relevant than you care to admit and people who struggle to love how they look might have it harder than expected.
I call myself a ‘potato with eyebrows,’ because I’m brown, round and people say “ehh” when it comes to my attractiveness. Just like a potato there’s nothing really striking about me. However, I know my worth, I know with effort I can be amazing but it can be hard for me and others to remember this when dating in college, surrounded by people who want to use or judge us.
So far in my first year of college, I’ve talked to and been approached by more guys than I ever have in my life. In spite of this, almost everyone of those guys fetishzied me for my body or skin color, which surprisingly made me feel worse about how I looked. College and dating in general put us in situations where people will judge us by our looks first and this can make us feel even more self conscious.
When you are growing up, you start to have a understanding of how attractive you are. I always thought I was pretty average looking, so it was shocking yet exciting to come to college and have multiple people want to be around me. However, that confidence I got from being liked and being seen as more than average was short-lived.
The thought of someone only liking me because of my body or skin color hurt me, what makes it worse is some people allow themselves to be fetishized because they feel as if this is their only chance to receive affection, however, that isn’t the case. If you ever feel as if you have to feed into someones fetization of you, than they aren’t worth your time. Never lower your standards or self value just because you don’t believe you’re able to achieve better.
I understand that we all have preferences on who we are attracted to. For example, say a guy/girl was mainly attracted to women who happened to be tall with short hair, this is fine. However when a guy/girl goes out of their way to date someone just because of their size and skin color it feels degrading to the person they’re pursuing.
Attraction plays a big part in dating but it shouldn’t be the only reason for wanting to date someone. I have to tell myself this everyday when guys repeatedly comment on my body, as if they are in shock by my blackness and plus size figure. We need to understand that there is a line between attraction and fetization. When someone is consistenly fetisheized they start to think they aren’t worth a relationship or real love. This is why we need to know our worth. To ourselves we might look like a potato but we should love ourselves as if we’re Beyonce.
College allowed me to understand that not everyone is going to treat you the way you deserved to be treated and that is why you have to love yourself; you have treat yourself right. You are more than your body, just because you lack dating experience or are constantly reminded of how ‘thick’ you are doesn’t change that.
College is the place where we experience our first, it allows us to see who is attracted to us and who we shouldn’t be attracted to. You might get hurt and start to doubt your self-worth but never allow anyone to hender you self love, even if your a potato like me.
Featured image by Timia Cobb.