Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

By Jenise Jackson
Blog Content Contributor

Let’s admit it, breakups are hard. Especially when you are breaking up with someone who basically became your best friend. There are many viewpoints to the question of whether or not you can remain friends with an ex. In my opinion, it is possible in certain situations but better to be avoided in others.

Examples of When It Is Possible:

Mutual Separation – Maybe you and your former lover thought that parting ways would be best for both parties and decided to separate. In this case, a friendship is still possible. If the breakup was mutual, there should be no hard feelings and both of you should have the ability to be cordial with one another. As long as you both are comfortable with it, I don’t think there is anything wrong with continuing the friendship.  

There Was a Friendship First –  Say you were one of the people who actually made it out of the friend zone. You shared this amazing friendship with someone and decided to see if there was more there, but it didn’t work out. You realized the two of you were better off as just buddies. I would say that the friendship could continue on after the breakup. There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping things platonic.

Examples of When It Should Be Avoided:

You’re Still Stuck On Them, But They Moved On – This should be avoided at all cost, do not put yourself in this situation. It will only be another heartbreak for you. Trying to have a friendship with your ex under these circumstances will be your way of trying to rekindle a romantic relationship. If you still have feelings for that person but those feelings aren’t reciprocated or that person has a new partner, you should just leave them alone. Stick to your other friendships and try moving on for yourself.

The Physical Attraction Is Still There, But That Is All – To be honest, sometimes the only reason people may want to keep an ex around as a friend is because they are still attracted to them. They aren’t really interested in being in a relationship with them again, but they may have the intentions of “hooking up” every now and again. There may not be any real feelings present between the two individuals.  If this is your situation, I recommend you not even entertain it. It makes things complicated and can lead you somewhere you may not want to end up.

Now that you have some pros and cons of different examples, evaluate your situation. If you have the intentions of fixing the relationship, make sure you have taken the time after the breakup to figure out what went wrong so you can change it. If you don’t see yourself getting back together with your ex, decide whether or not the two of you even need to stay in contact. Only try and have a friendship with an ex if it is comfortable for all parties involved, including your new partner if you have one. Remember, breakups usually happen for a reason.

Featured image by Jenise Jackson.