The Four Stages of Growing a Mustache

todayFebruary 17, 2019 1804

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By Daniel Richter
Web Content Contributor

I come from a family that enjoys their facial hair. My brother sports a beard that would give Santa Claus a run for his money. My dad has been rocking a mustache for roughly 35 years. I tend to be the clean-shaven one of the bunch. But as of the past couple weeks, I’ve been working on growing a furry friend myself.

My mustache has almost fully come in and I am glad the growing process is almost over. The process of growing a mustache is full of highs, lows and itches. I have gone through this growing process more than once and I have been able to identify the main stages of growth. Here are the four stages of growing a mustache with some survival tips.

Stage 1: The “Did you Forget to Shave?” Stage

The very first stage of growing a mustache can be a little rough but is very easy to survive. Simply give off the impression you have been too lazy to shave. During this stage, I let my beard grow as well so that I have some chin stubble to distract people from the peach fuzz under my lip. But once you shave your beard and fully commit, you are entering the worst stage of all.

Stage 2: The “Don’t Look at Me” Stage

This is the stage where a lot of people give up. Just after you fully committed to the ‘stache there is a good chance you will regret it. Persevere! Don’t think about the uncomfortable itches you might experience throughout your day. Don’t think about how much longer it will take for your crumb catcher to come in full. It won’t take as long as you think! Persevere!

Stage 3: The “Hey, This Doesn’t Look Half Bad” Stage

This is the stage where your hard work begins to show. Your mustache might not be coming in exactly how you expected it to. But, you are now at a point where no one can deny the fact that you do indeed have a mustache. It’s not yet compete so don’t be too eager to start shaping it. Let it grow in just a bit more before you start messing with it.

Stage 4: The “Call Me Tom Selleck” Stage

At last! Your patience and (not so) hard work has all paid off. The world is now allowed to behold your beautiful mouth brow. You also now have enough hair to style and shape as you please. Also, don’t forget to upkeep your beard! Your face is the canvas and your ‘stache is a beautiful painting. For people to fully appreciate your ‘stache, you need to make sure its canvas is up to par.

Keep in mind that all faces are different and grow facial hair at different rates. There is no exact timeline for this mustache process.

I wish all of you and your whiskers well on whatever awaits on your facial hair journey!

Featured illustration by Meredith Marlowe.

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