Two yellow hands make a “sexual gesture” sign by pointing to an ok hand sign surrounded by a circle of birds and bees. All on a fading blue background.

Ready or Not

By Timia Cobb
Web Content Contributor

There are many stigmas surrounding sex: people should wait ’till marriage, should do it when they’re in love or should do it whenever because it’s not even a big deal.

However, it is a big deal, especially when you’ve been a virgin (never having sex with someone of any gender or sexuality) for so long that you feel as though it’s part of your personality. 

Deciding to be intimate doesn’t depend on what someone else thinks or the stigmas society has. It depends on if you feel ready or not. But, how does one know if they’re ready?

Maturity is a big part to consider if you’re ready to do the deed. If neither you nor your partner have a way to each other or a place to be alone – you might want to think about that first rather than worrying about bumping uglies. 

Maturity can depend on your mental state as well. Some people just aren’t mature enough to partake in adult acts without overreacting or feeling uncomfortable. The level of maturity you have will help because it allows you to speak up and not gravel under pressure. 

Peer pressure can come in many forms that are sometimes hard to recognize. For example, if you find yourself ready because you just want to “get it over with,” or you feel like you’re too old to be a virgin, then those thoughts can be heavily influenced by peer pressure. 

Peer pressure, according to Webster’s dictionary, is defined as a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group in order to be liked or respected by them. Peers can be anyone. They can be friends, similar social or age groups or even your entire generation. 

Because of things such as “hook-up culture” and heavy sexualization in American culture, it seems as though everyone is getting sexual, which makes the pressure of knowing you’re not hard to avoid. 

Influences from society can make you believe that you have to do it or that sex isn’t that big of a deal. This can be a result of being peer pressured. The best way to beat peer pressure is to question yourself and to not give excuses on why it’s the time to be ready.

Another big part of knowing that you’re not ready is if you’re repeatedly second guessing yourself. If you’re ready, then you shouldn’t be having doubts. Even if you really think it’s the right time, second guessing yourself might just be your inner intuition saying it’s not the right time. When you’re ready to have sex, it should feel natural and comfortable enough that it doesn’t make you feel as though you’re making a mistake.

A big fear about the first time is regretting it afterwards. Deciding to partake in adult acts means that there could be adult consequences, hence the feeling of regret. There are many reasons why someone can regret their first time, but that doesn’t mean the experience was horrible, just not ideal or what you always dreamed it to be. The feeling of regret can possibly push you to understand yourself more, figure out why that experience wasn’t the best and learn from it.

For some, virginity isn’t a big deal – and that’s OK. The idea of virginity shouldn’t be about right of passage or ownership, but about two consenting adults, no matter their gender or sexuality, deciding to do a mature sexual act. 

However, whenever you decide to do the deed, make sure it’s for yourself. It doesn’t matter if the first-time is with someone you met a day ago or known for years. As long as you’re true to yourself and make the mature decision that you are mentally and emotionally ready, then you’re ready.

Featured image by Timia Cobb.

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