By Emily Garza
Web Content Contributor
Almost every day of my life, I am overthinking. Most of the time it’s about small things that occurred during the day. How someone said something, what someone posted, the people that are currently in my life. It can get so caught up in my thoughts that I start thinking about the past and those embarrassing moments in my life. Why was I so cringey in middle school?
Nearly every single time I meet someone, I overthink about the first impression I gave. Was my voice too quiet? Did I make enough eye-contact? Too much? I hope I didn’t make any weird faces. Did I seem nervous? Why did they talk in that way? Are they mad? Is it because of me?
The thoughts keep running all day. My mind never has a break. When my mind runs out about worrying about small things, it goes to one of two places: a daydream or a memory.
Daydreams fill up my day. They are always about my life in an alternate universe that flow with what is going on in my real life. They are the most entertaining part of my day. I am able to create any kind of scenario in my head with no limits. It is something that can bring me joy some days.
When my brain decides to look through memories, I quickly try and stop myself. Most of the memories that are randomly brought up are just things I would prefer to not remember at all. For some reason, my mind just loves to bring these memories up and I wish I can select the memories that my brain remembers.
I cringe at myself when I think about some things I did in my past.
Why did I say that? Who made me think this was cute to wear? Why did I talk like that? Why did I do that? Why must I be so cringey?!
It gets bad.
Additionally, bad memories come up. I don’t know why, but my mind likes to just stick on these memories. I don’t immediately stop it, I just linger. It becomes a bad habit. Overthinking these memories can lead to giving myself a panic attack out of nowhere. I’ve had instances where I almost had a panic attack in public.
The human mind is such a strange thing and I feel like it is too powerful for its own good. I wish it was easier to control.
Featured image by Emily Garza.